An audience minding their manners
MINDING OUR MANNERS
By Dianne de Las Casas
A while back, I went to the movies. The movie had just started when a group of young adults noisily stampeded into the theater, whooping, hollering and laughing loudly. They continued their cacophony and when someone tried to “shush” them, they elevated their volume. They were obviously enjoying disrupting the theater. I finally became so frustrated that I found a manager and had them removed. When I returned to my seat, everyone in the theater clapped. It wasn’t the first or the last time I have encountered this type of behavior in a movie theater and I find it appalling. Simple displays of manners and etiquette aren’t simply overlooked, they are blatantly ignored. This is why I think it is important, no matter what the rules of etiquette are in your country, to teach and model them to children while they are young so that the qualities become imbedded and become part of our children’s character.
BACK TO THE BASICS
One of the first things children should learn when it comes to manners is how to address adults. In the south (U.S.), it is common to hear “Yes, Ma’am” and “Yes, Sir” as well as adults addressed by “Mr.” or “Miss” or “Mrs.” Today’s society is more informal than it was even thirty years ago so many adults allow children to address them by their first name. Whatever the cultural or geographical preference, children should always address adults with respect. Here are some basic rules I believe children should learn. These can be read out loud to children.
THE GOLDEN RULE
“Do unto others as you should have them do unto you.” In other words, treat people the way you want them to treat you. The best way to make a friend is to be a friend.
INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
The Magic Words… “Please and Thank You”
If you want or need something, say “please.” For example: “Please pass the salt.” When you are given something, whether a gift or an experience, say “thank you.” For example: “Thank you for taking me to the zoo.”
Offer Apologies and Accept Apologies
We all make mistakes. If you make a mistake, say that you are sorry and accept full responsibility. For example: “Mom, I’m sorry for spilling the cereal all over the floor. I’m going to clean it up now.”
If someone offers you an apology, accept it graciously. For example: In the heat of the baseball game, John calls you a name because you struck out. Afterwards, John apologizes and says, “I’m sorry for calling you a bonehead. I didn’t mean it. Sometimes I say things I don’t mean when I’m excited or angry.” You say, “No problem, John. I accept your apology. I hope I can improve my game. Maybe you can help me.”
Accept Compliments Graciously
When someone gives you a compliment, say “thank you.” For example: If someone says, “That is a pretty red sweater you are wearing.” Say, “Thank You.” Do not say, “It’s an old sweater my mom made me wear.” (Even if it is.)
Do Not Interrupt
Do not interrupt people when they are talking. Wait for them to finish their sentence or thought before speaking. If you accidentally interrupt someone, apologize and wait for them to finish.
Respect Differences
Respect differences. No two people are exactly alike. We are all different. But we all have one thing in common: we all share the same Planet Earth and breathe the same air. Our differences are what make each person unique and special.
BASIC TABLE MANNERS (U.S.)
Wait to Be Seated
When arriving at a restaurant, wait to be seated. When you get to your table, wait for an adult to tell you where to sit.
Place Your Napkin in Your Lap
When you sit down, place your napkin in your lap. If you are dining in a fine restaurant, the maitre’d or server may place the napkin in your lap. The napkin should stay in your lap the whole time you are eating. If you have to leave the table, place the napkin to the left of your plate.
When You Leave the Table
If you do have to leave the table before you are finished eating, say “May I please be excused from the table?” or “Excuse me.”
Do Not Talk with Your Mouth Full
It is never proper to speak with your mouth full. If someone asks you a question while you are chewing, wait to swallow before answering.
No Boarding House Reaches
A “boarding house reach” refers to someone stretching across the table to reach something that is far away. If you need something from across the table such as salt and pepper or butter, ask someone to pass it to you by saying, “Will you please pass the _________?”
No Elbows, Please
Hands should remain in your lap unless you are eating. It is not proper to prop your elbows on the table.
No Talking or Texting at the Table
It is very impolite to talk on the phone or text while at the table at home or especially in a restaurant. If you must take a call, do so outside.
GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP
Winners Never Quit and Quitters Never Win
Be a good sport at all times. If the game is not going your way, stick it out. Do not quit. It is unfair to the rest of your teammates.
Be a Good Loser
If you or your team loses a game, don’t fault the other team. Accept your loss and shake your opponent’s hand. There’s always another game.
Be a Great Winner
If you or your team wins, don’t flaunt it in front of the other team. Instead, walk over and thank them for playing. Shake their hand and say, “Good game.”
THEATER OR LIVE PERFORMANCE ETIQUETTE
Enter the Theater Quietly
Whether going to the movies or attending a live production, enter the theater quietly and quietly take your seat. If you have to pass in front of someone to take your seat, say, “Excuse me” as you pass by.
Do Not Talk, Text or Play During the Show
If you have a cell phone, handheld game, or music player, turn it off before the show begins. Do not talk to your neighbor, talk on the phone, text or email, play games, or listen to music during the show. All electronic devices should be put away during the show.
Audience Applause
If you are attending a live production (theater, opera, ballet, musical), it is proper to clap at the end of each scene and/or at the end of the show. Even if you did not care for the production, you should still clap politely in appreciation of the effort that went into the show.
LEAVE A PLACE BETTER THAN YOU FOUND IT
In the Grand Canyon, there are many areas that are sacred to the Native Americans. They don’t mind visitors but they always ask that you leave the Canyon exactly as you found it… untouched by human hands (except for footprints). It is the same concept for the rest of our Planet Earth. Leave no mess behind. In fact, you can leave a place better than you found it by beautifying the land (pick up any trash you see, plant a tree where one is removed…). If you are having dinner at someone’s house, offer to clean up. If you are playing at a friend’s house, help that friend put away his toys and clean up before you leave.
AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE
Always say “thank you” when you are given a gift. Send a handwritten thank you note for special occasion gifts (birthdays and holidays) or for special acts of kindness (Grandpa took you on a fishing trip). Handwritten thank you notes are always special and can be given at any time.
RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS
Surprise someone with a random act of kindness. That means being kind to someone for no reason at all. Write your mom or dad a love note for no reason, clean your brother or sister’s room (that would be an EXTRAORDINARY random act of kindness!), or mow the neighbor’s lawn too. Random acts of kindness go into this world like a magnet and attract even greater things back to you.
Parents and teachers, manners and etiquette are an essential part of our children’s character development. Good manners will serve our children for the rest their lives because of the values underlying those manners. Proper etiquette will help them to become productive and compassionate members of society. So please, teach and model manners for your children. They will thank you by teaching and modeling manners to their children.
Until next time…
Warmly,
Dianne
